Yay! It's about time je did a rant.
(Before I start, I should note, this was several adventures melded into one for your entertainment and more argumentative purpose. Hehehe...looks like porpoise...)
Alrighty. So. It began as I walked in the door to the mall. I was hungry, so I went up to grab a slice of pizza from Mrs. Vanellis. Stupid people, they forgot the fucking apostrophe! I can't add an apostrophe, cos it's copyrighted and whatnot. Anywho...
Cashier: "Wart oo wan?"
Duncan: "Does that come with pizza?"
C: "Pizza! Yes. Wort keend oo wan?"
D: "Uh...I'll have a slice of pepperoni."
C: "Parpioni, yes. Oo wan dink?"
D: "Uh, I'll have a bottle of Pepsi."
C: "Yes, botta Peppi. Dat all? Preece fif senty un."
D: *hands debit card*
C: "Ave neece day!"
Now, just so you know, I have nothing against foreign people. It just pisses me off that all of them have to work as cashiers or telemarketers. If you're gonna work in a job that requires a lot of talking, learn fucking English!!!
Alrighty, so I eat my yummy pizza, and head over to Starbucks to get a coffee. I look at the board and...WHAT THE FUCK?? Who the fuck is supposed to know what the difference between tall, grande, and venti is? THEY ALL MEAN FUCKING BIG! And as for coffees...wait, where's the coffee? Can't one order a plain fucking coffee?? God damn it...you know, Americans usually like to over simplify things, (Hot drinks are hot? No fucking way...) but when it comes to their cafés, they seem obliged to make everything fucking italian. *walks over to second cup*
THANK FUCKING GOD!! Second Cup, a Canadian café uses small, medium and large to dictate what size your coffee is. Not big, big, and big. And low and behold, they actually have coffee. Not a mocha-lapa-dopa-frappaccino or whatever the fuck it is. They use simple things. The most Italian things they have are for things that are actually Italian but have worked its way into English, like latte and mocha. So I order a LARGE VANILLA BEAN LATTE. Not some fucking venti vanillia latte or whatever the fuck it is. And you know what? It's cheaper, and it tastes better. Most people choose Star-retards for the brand name, but it fucking sucks. I have to agree with Foamy on the coffee shop points. Now...onwards we go to HMV.
I walk in, and, because I know which CD I want, head straight for Roger Waters, and grab The Pros and Cons of Hitchhiking. I go up to the guy at the cash, and he says... (in one of those creepy gay voices)
Cash: Duuuude...did you see the sticker on this?
Duncan: What, the buy one get one free sticker? No. It was only neon green and covering half the fucking CD case.
C: Well, man, go back and get a second CD. Come on! It's like turning down a free meal!
D: No, I only want this CD.
C: What if someone came up to you and gave you a free meal? What would you do? Would you turn it down? No!
D: Ok, if I had just eaten a meal, and someone came with a free meal, you can bet your fucking ass I'd turn it down because I'd be FUCKING FULL! And I only want ONE FUCKING CD!!!
*pays $10 for it and leaves*
Seriously, though, there's no fucking way I'd ever be able to work at a place like HMV or EB Games. My opinion's too strong. If someone came to buy a Jessica Simpson CD, I'd be tempted to say something along the lines of, "Sorry, I can't sell you this, it's a health hazard to sell one of our customers shit."
And so ends my mini-rant about the mall. I might add more to it later, you never know.
And, as Janine would say, [insert various fish organs]
9 comments:
Wow, that's fun. You seem angry. Relaxxx.
haha that had a triple x in it. And people wonder what goes on in my mind haha. jk.
Hey, the fratellis are playing! *dances*
Fratellis make awesome dance music. And have you noticed that Flathead's been in two commercials? There was an iTunes one, and a Hot Fuzz one.
When I went to vegas, they have this huuuuuge shopping mall where models...model, and stuff. Anyways, they had these HUUUUGE HUGE HUGE GIGANTIC posters outside for iPods and Flathead playing over and over and over. I was singing along to it when we went inside and my mom was looking at me funny.
FISH ORGANS! Fweeoootl...ja.
Times you said "fuck": 18, whilst likely running your blood pressure up to the LIKELY-TO-COMMIT-SUICIDE-WITH- HALF-A-PAPERCLIP ANGRY zone.
Someday you're going to go to the mall and kill all the vendors. Or if you ever become one (a scary thought indeed) you'd probably ward off customers with sticky things and fake facial hair lying in the doorway. Moving fake facial hair.
Now to flavour your milk like elves and penguins.
Ok, I'm in a ranty mood again, so...
Why the fuck do groups of people seem obliged to come to the mall on the same day as similar groups? Okay, that sentence made no sense. Anywho...Mondays are the creepers, Tuesdays are old people, Wednesdays are couples, Thursdays are nerds, Fridays are...everyone. It pisses me off. Seriously.
Oh, and by the way, I believe it was 17 times...
You didn't beat my fuck record. I don't think anyone could its too outstanding.
True. How many was it? Pretty much every second word was fuck.
la fuck la fuck word fuck every fuck second fuck word (fuck) ?
Fuck yay (fuck) !
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